In Memoriam


My childhood friend just laid her mother to rest. Peggy died after a long battle with cancer. In the pamphlet distributed at Peggy's memorial service, her daughter shared this:

"She is our mom - the love is immeasurable and the pain is unbearable."

These words have been ringing in my ears ever since. I knew Peggy as my friend's mom, but didn't really think of her as a mom until she was gone. Losing a mom does seem absolutely unbearable. I shudder at the thought of my children losing their mom one day.

If only we could freeze time. That's just what I want to do right now. Freeze time and be a mom forever.

I think perhaps the best and worst thing about death is that life goes on.


  1. I've spent a lot of time on this issue, both as a Buddhist and a cancer survivor (and potential recurrence case). I'm at peace with the idea of leaving, but it took a lot of work. I wish everyone could come to this place of peace with me -- most importantly my own daughters. So it's an issue I'd like to spend time on with them.

    Peace to your childhood friend! And to you!

  2. This touches me in so many ways. One of my dearest friends just lost her mom to lung cancer. The thought of going through that myself, or my children going through that, has been on my heart and mind a lot.

  3. a good reminder to me on what is most important. thank you for sharing

  4. I'm so sorry for your friend's awful loss. Losing your mother is such an unbearable (as your friend said), my eyes are already all teary just to think about the thought of losing mine, or to die myself. I'm not sure I have worked the idea long enough to be peaceful about it.
    I would love to freeze the time too, my friend. :(
    Sending you all my love oxoxo

  5. I lost my mother 1 year 4 months ago. It feels like she was here only yesterday. I miss her every single day. She died at the young age of 61 years 2 mos. Tell those that mean something to you that they do. Be mindful that your friend needs TLC long after the casseroles stop coming.

    Thanks for the post. It was beautiful.

    Please pass along my sincere condolences to your friend.

  6. I've been working with grieving issues a lot lately...see my most recent post for example. But this morning I was thinking this very thought how I hard it would be to be a mom who is dying. To see the pain in your children's faces.

    I am so sorry for your friend.

  7. Sorry for your loss.

    I think THE hardest thing about getting older is dealing with death.

    Hang in there, and my thoughts are with you and your friend.

  8. sometimes it's so very hard to be a mom that it's easy to forget how lucky you are to be one - thanks

  9. A touching tribute to motherhood and the loss of a mother. I wish my mom lived closer... as it is I call her a few times a week and think about calling her everyday!
    My thoughts will be with you and your firend Molly!

  10. I've been thinking about your last line all day, Molly. I was waiting for this picture to show up on Flickr, so I can tell you how much I absolutely love it...but now I have to come back and tell you:thank you for the words, too, today.

  11. One of the hardest things in life must be losing one's mother. Nothing breaks my heart more than hearing that a child has lost his or her mother. My own mom lost both of her parents by the time she was ten, and I still can't fathom how she made it through. I've always thought I would rather lose one of my kids than have them lose me while they're still children. Sigh.

    Your photo is fittingly lovely.

  12. As corny as it may sound at first, the words Patrick Swayze's character spoke before going into the light in "Ghost" were something to this effect:
    "The only thing you get to take with you when you leave is the Love in your life."
    That's something he believed and lived. It's a good starting place for the rest of us, I think.

    I am sad to hear of your loss.

  13. Your words on death are perfect "the best and worst thing about death is that life goes on."
    Hugs and warm thoughts to you and your friend.

  14. My father lives life to its fullest and is as enthusiastic about work and service as he is about play and leisure. He's a Christian. He's 60 years old this year. Some years ago, he told me: "When I die, no matter the circumstances, I don't want people acting like it's a tragedy. I want people to sing, worship God, and thank God for giving me the opportunity to be with Him forever in Heaven."

    He meant it.
    I'm sure I will miss my father tremendously if that day comes to pass, but it will be filled with thanksgiving and praise to God too. The passing of a Christian, no matter the age, is different than the passing of one who believes in no eternity with the one personal Savior.

    To hear my father say this makes all the difference in what I hope and how I will deal with mourning.

    It is truly a gift from my Father and my father.

    God comfort family and friends in time of mourning.

  15. Isn't it amazing how becoming a mother changes the way we experience everything else? I am so sorry about your friend's mother.

  16. Peace to you Molly and to your friend... I am at a loss of words, your words are sinking in deeply. It is incredibly painful to lose someone, and as a mother just thinking about this leaves me feeling mindful and quiet. Hugs to you xo

  17. This is what I hate about growing older - not that I'm growing older, but that my parents are, too.

    I remember when my mom had an important, potentially scary surgery and I was still a young girl. I didn't want her to die and the idea of her possibly dying left me feeling hollow. I still get that feeling sometimes. It makes me even more determined to try and make the most of every moment, because time is fleeting and death is a fickle thing.

    I am so very sorry for your friend and her family - my thoughts and prayers are with them all...

  18. Very nicely said Molly.

  19. The words that struck me are "the love is immeasurable and the pain is unbearable". I've been struck lately by the way love also links us to pain. We are so impacted by others lives and their losses when we love them deeply. I have no idea what the "eternal" meaning of this is (as I've heard some people describe the next life as one filled with love and absent of pain), but it's as if as we expand our hearts to joy and love in this life, the capacity for feeling heartache increases as well. Oh, ouch!

  20. I can't imagine. I can't even try to imagine... either the losing or the leaving.

  21. WOW! this speaks volumes to me. My dad just died in April. His death brought the scaredness of time and of relationship in my face. I can't imagine life without my mom, but this is something that I will have to face. I take more time, more conscious time to talk and connect to her.
    Life is just to darn short and fast to hang. Sometimes, I just want to just grab on and never let- go


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email: mollydunham@sbcglobal.net
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